Sisters are Pure Evil

The day seemed about as normal as any day in my life (if there is such a thing). It just so happens that I am also not always in charge of my own phone. Here's the scenario as it happened: Fred (obviously, NOT his REAL name!) sends me a text as follows:
Fred: hey girl whats up?
Me: Uhhh, the usual, nothing much
Fred: Ahhh...cool
(Fred is not really the big conversationalist to begin with)
(and me as usual am rolling my eyes thinking, pls don't text again)
Now, mind you I am driving down the freeway with 2 kids, blaring the music so my sister and I can actually have a conversation without the teenager saying, "who are we talking about?". So, my phone is free game (we all know how dangerous it is to text and drive) which always spells disaster for me! So, sissy-poo says, "Let me handle this...I can get rid of him".
Uh Oh....I smell something cooking and its not a gourmet dinner for me!
Beep...beep.....(Fred's text)
tap...tap...tap...tap....(awful lot of tapping from sis for someone she is getting rid of)
Beep....beep....(assuming Fred is answering)
tap...tap...tap....tap (again with that awful assumption thing of mine)
Giggle...giggle.....(pause)...more giggling..
I am completely in the dark at this point, at which point my sister (acting like she just came up with this fabulous plan), decides that we need to go out and have a few drinks on Friday night.
Deciding not to push the issue on the text is always not a smart option.
Friday, Cold beer, cool music (and no, not ABBA or KC and the Sunshine Band) and lo..and behold, here comes Fred! Funny, I didn't remember agreeing to meet him, but he seems to think I have! Ok, so its not soooo bad. He is good-looking, (somewhat) and he's sometimes funny. So, imagine my surprise when Sister Dearest points to a table over in the corner. WOW...there is the OTHER guy I have been seeing. Now lets see.....sissy-poo is laughing (and quite hysterically at this point), when I realize that she invited both of them to the bar tonight! "Oh great!" So, off I run to see George and act like I am thrilled to see him. Of course, a beer is waiting. Again, GREAT! I chat for a few minutes while keeping an eye on the other table.
Me: Oh I am sooo gonna kill you!
Sis: What? Me? I didn't do anything!
Me: You sent them both a text!
Sis: You are soooo paranoid....you probly made a date w both and forgot!
Me: I sooo did not!
Sis: well.....you have done it before...
Me: ARGHHHHHHHH
Sis: ROTFLMAO
So, off I run to tell Sis something REALLY important......(God, am I gonna kill her!). This continues on for about an hour (drinking a beer each time with each one and threatening Sis via text every 5 mins), until I realize my legs have now turned to jello and I can't remember which is Fred and which is George....
Now my friends, the story doesn't end here......Sis is laughing so hard she is starting to fall off her bar stool....and at this point I am too drunk to help her...(well...I would push her if I could only see 1 of her!). Since we are always each other's wing man, I was counting on her to help me out (forgetting it was her who put me here), but she had other plans.....(which for her was a "midnight call" with her MR. WONDERFUL).
I could tell you neither guy caught on and I was left with both still to hang out with.....I could, but I won't .....Now sis.....her night ended a lot better than mine. While I was in the bushes (and not with Fred or George), telling Mother Nature how to fertilize her crops better, Sis was getting some sympathy from some HOT, tall good-looking hunk of a male specimen...(ok, so thats how he looked through my red blood-shot eyes and snotty nose..be nice...I was sick after all) .....
Oh, BTW....her and hunky have a date next Friday.....what to do....what to do.....HAHAHAHA

Plain Jane Says: I smile because you are my sister, I laugh because there is nothing you can do about it!