12 Step Program

I swear I have become the next 12 Step Program for men! It never fails....your eyes meet across a crowded bar (cause face it....thats where ya meet a lot of these), and you think.."Wow" (ok, so maybe not WOW, but hmmmm, "Not Bad?"). So, begins the "hanging out" ritual that so many of us used to call dating.....(come on, it's called that now, as my teenage daughter informed me). Doesn't it always seem like "this could be the one" at first? I mean, seriously, you dump all your friends for the magical fun you are having. You are now one of a "couple". You use words like we and us and anything else to let the world know you are no longer on the market. Then it hits...something everyone else saw, but you. Well...so his living at home (yes, with his parents, even though he has been out of school for a VERY long time) or with 2 roommates didn't seem so bad....at the beginning. Ok, and so he likes to hang out with his "cool" buddies all the time and drag you (not always...you know..."guy time" and all) along for all the fun! Well....then you realize that thats ALL you do.....hang out with his buddies, (your friends aren't quite soooo much fun to him and his), drink enough alcohol for the entire group of your friends and you are suddenly working your schedule around his little "problems". It's always good to feel needed in a relationship. So, he doesn't have the nicest car (his ex of course got the good one), and well...he's a little strapped for cash (how long will the tab sit there before you pick it up......again), and no one will hire him (of course, he's probably OVER qualified).....so begins the program....
Step 1: Build up his EGO (after all....we are trying to make a good impression)
Step 2: Cook him dinner (Momma always said, the way to a guys heart is through his stomach)
Step 3: Build up his EGO (wow you are the best....at everything)
Step 4: Help clean up his apt (are those dishes under that green, fuzzy stuff?)
Step 5: Build up his EGO (you really are secure in who you are...no need for compliments...oh, you have laundry?)
Step 6: Do some laundry (its easier...you ARE a girl..and you're soooo much better...nobody wants their perfect man in dirty, wrinkled shirts)
Step 7:Build up his EGO (of course you were more qualified than that silly man at that job...you could run circles around him...he will be sorry he didn't hire you)
Step 8: Run his errands (you don't mind...you can do your stuff later...there is plenty of time after his laundry and cleaning...)
Step 9: Build up his EGO (no one has EVER made me feel like that....WHEW!)
Step 10:Be understanding (your Mom really has her first drink at 9am?....well...its 5 o'clock somewhere?)
Step 11:Build up his EGO (no, I guess I don't mind picking up the tab again.....everyone has their rough spots and I know you really needed that night out drinking with the boys and yes, I understand it was your turn to pay)
and FINALLY Step 12: BUILD UP HIS EGO.....(that nagging feeling sure doesn't seem to be going away.......)
YEA....Graduation Time: Oh....what...you really think I'm a great girl but.....Oh, Ok...sure I understand...of course we can still be friends.....yea...ok...a break is nice....sure, call me when you can......
Fade to 3 months later....your eyes meet across the crowded bar.....Oh, wait...its HIM but who is that with him?
CONGRATULATIONS: Another successful graduate....all your hard work paid off!!!..he's looking great (as proven by the happy little thing hanging on his arm....is she even old enough to get in?), landed a job (with your help) and..... "Wait....is he picking up the tab?"

Plain Jane says: Don't let a man put anything over on you except an umbrella. (the late great Mae West....thank you ma'am)